*huff puff* gahhh!!!

So this is pretty much the post where AJ spills her guts all over the place...mmm guts... :P

God damnit I HATE having aspergers. It's the curse of the bloody, fucking devil!
Why is it that every time I attempt to be sarcastic, it come across as being rude? I'm not a mean person but yet I can be so fucking rude without even intending to be. And why do people avoid me and say rude things to me when I try to talk to them? I know I'm socially awkward but am I really that terrible that it would ruin somebody's social status to be seen with me? And why do I feel like I'm lesser than everybody else? Everytime I try and have a group discussion or talk to people I don't know very well I always feel like there's something wrong with me? It's so bad and causes me so much distress that I start to believe things that aren't true and get myself all worked up for no good reason. It's like the one vital thing that I'm lacking, which is social skills, completely ruins my life. I get so fucking depressed that I don't really enjoy being around people and I'm too scared most of the time to talk because I just know I'm going to say or do something that is not socially acceptable. I wish I could just die and be reserected as a normal person who does not have a fucked up autistic brain. :'(