The Stinky Cheese Theory.

So we are rats who love stinky cheese. We like to eat it and we are much like it ourselves. We also go well with some fine wine and gourmet biscuits.

You see now the reason why us rats are so much like stinky cheese has to do with the way the world views rats. When people see a rat walkin’ down the street, they think “Eww omg, it’s a rat! Run away! Call an exterminator!” But the people who actually know us rats know that we are kind, gentle creatures who would not hurt a gnome fly.

Now back to the stinky cheese. Of course stinky cheese well...it freakin’ stinks and it looks like a rotting crumpet carcass. Upon first encounter, you probably wouldn’t want to come within 10 metres of it. You would probably never even dream of letting it get anywhere near your mouth or nose for that matter. But if you have actually tried it before, you know that is in fact incredibly delicious. So scrumptious indeed that you will start eating your pillow in your sleep thinking that it is stinky cheese and you will wake up drooling with disappointment and a fuzz-filled mouth. Alas, you have discovered one of the most secretly delectable foods on earth.

Now us rats are quite often misunderstood in life. People seem to view us as evil, demon creatures who how come from the depths of the sewers to destroy the earth. They seem to think that all we want to do is start a ruckus and eat every food item in your fridge and destroy your bathroom by digging our claws into the wall. This is very wrong indeed. For you see, we will be the ones who will someday change the world for the better. We will teach lessons of love, loyalty and respect. We will make your lives a joy.

Next time you see a rat on the street, don’t turn in the opposite direction. Walk up to it and offer it a lovely block of stinky cheese. You’ll be glad you did.

Rawr, rawr, all hail Sir Ratacus Stinkrottcuss Cheese!