Build A Bong

PLEASE NOTE: This post contains alot of drug humor and is for entertainment purposes only. I do not condone nor do I encourage drug use. Infact, I strongly encourage you not to do drugs because a) you can get yourself into some serious shit, b) It is extremely bad for your health and c) It's fucking stupid and if I ever do figure out that you're doing drugs, I will come and hunt you down and shove a spork up your ass.

On to the article...

We here at Bongs R Us have seen how immensly popular that children's teddy bear store is so we have decided to cash in on the success and create our own version aimed at the teenage and adult market.

With that being said we present you with....Build A Bong! The only store in the world where you can get a bong that's all your own. And by your own we don't mean not sharing it, we mean that you can having bragging rights amongst the circle that this bong is the fruit of your own labour.

Hmm fruit you say...no unfortunately we do not stock any "fruit" because then we would get shut down and no longer beable to meet your smoking needs in the most creative and dope way possible.

Now then let me take you on a tour of our in-store factory. We have divided the creation process into several steps to make it as easy and user friendly as possible, since we already know that your head is somewhere else and we don't need any mass confusion now, do we?

Excuse me for just a second...

First off we have the selection station where you get to pick the shape and size of your bong. We have many, many different styles available from small to tall, acrylic to glass, bubble to no bubble...we even have a deluxe model availabe, made from the finest crystal straight from...Uranus *manic laughter*. Also be sure to check out our newest model which features a very strong, straight shaft and two large bubbles side by side at the bottom for extra stability. With a bottom like this, you will never have another messy water spill again, or will you...

Next, we have the bowel err I mean bowl station. You know what you do here, just grab a bowl and move along so that the other people don't have to wait for your and witness your straining to make a decision.

Now come the fun part, the filling station. Fillabong. Here you ask one of our friendly staff to assist you innn *bahaha omg duuude you have like 4 eyes!* now then one of our friendly workers will give you a hand with filling your baby up with 0ur special formula which doubles your pleasureful smoking experience. Don't forget our traditional ritual where you officially christen the bong as your own (personally I have no idea why we do this) butt here you pick a precut heart shaped piece of rolling paper and our staff members will instruct you to do demoralizing things which only the mind can imagine before you finally place the heart inside the bong and the magic water goes in and the top of the bong is sealed off with a small plastic cap to prevent spillage on the way home. *catches breath*

*runs around in circles chasing imaginary tail* What what? There's still more? Oh yes...here we have the creative part of your building experience, the decorative station. Here you can grab a few cans of paint and a brush and pull up a seat at one or our many painting tables and let your head and hands do the designing work. Now, now please keep the paint on your bong and not on your friends or yourself. We want our bongs to be decorated and not our customers. *paints happy face on arm*Omg look my arm is smiling and it's also talking too...it says"you idiot, you're one more step closer to being outside the door and never coming back in." Ohh :(. Anyways, if your head and hands don't feel like doing the work here, you can browse through our large catalouge of screen print designs and when you find one you like, another one of our overly friendly staffers will take your bong into a secret room and press a button and you will instantly have your selected design where it belongs.

Bahhh why is that clock over there on the wall trying to stab me in the eye? Welcome to the final and last station, the naming station. Here you get to give your bong it's own name and identity to make it truely yours forever and always. Step up to one of our computers and begin the lengthy process of typing in your lil bongies name. Once your done, go have an up close and personal visit with our very friendly cashier and she will hand you a birth cerificate, which is actually a lighter with your bong's name and birthdate engraved in fancy rainbow lettering. Don't forget to pay for your new baby cos we really don't need the security guards to figure out what's actually goin' on in the back room.

*shoves you out the door* Thank you for visiting Build A Bong. Have a tokin' good time with your new baby and please do come again!