Zombierific dates for your brain nomming pleasure

Ok yeah, this was inspired by an epic chat with my buddy at school. This is what boredom and procrastination during spares brings...

Candidate Number One: Here we have a one-of-a-kind wee fellow. He enjoys havin' a pint (of brains that is) at the friendly neighbourhood pub (morgue). This lad will thrill you and perhaps chill you in ways you've never known possible. What is under that kilt well now that is for you to find out. You two will be blowin' the bagpipes all night long, while he shoves your brains in the cooker.

Candidate Number Two: Whoa man, this guy is totally trippin! Check out his dope dreads and his wicked hemp gear. He would be delighted to go fly, erm, get high with a kite or maybe an acoustic guitar at the park. He'll also introduce you to some of his rad flesh eating friends, who you will enjoy a lovely connection with nature with. Don't worry, this guy likes to keep things natural so you will partake in a good ol' fashioned game of pass the glass vause aroung and giggle. You will be so distracted with your inner mind experience that you will not notice him stumbling up behind you with his teeth bared ready for some brain games.

Candidate Number Three: If the first two didn't suit your fancy, maybe you're more into the ladies, then this sweetheart is for you. This darling has everything needed to tease you and please you till the night is through. Watch as she smoothes herself down with sensous body oil and tantalizing chocolate sauce dripping down every curve of her fleshy figure. If you're good, she may even let you have a little taste. This is the point where your brains get excited and gooey and are the perfect texture and consistency for her to enjoy in a delectable meal for...one.

If you have any more potential blood thirsty brain munchers, leave a brief description of them in the comments and they will be added to the list.